Total Pageviews

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Madonna vs Alyssa Milano catfight story







The line of stretch black limousines outside of the Cat
Fight Club in Century City California was as hopeless
and aggravated as a line of Homeless people outside a
Shelter with a "All Full" sign on the door on
Thanksgiving Day. They surged ahead... six inches, a
foot at a time each time the verbally lashed limo
drivers ahead rolled into the bumper of the limo in
front to PROVE to the ACTRESS in the back seat that,
indeed, they were doing all they could.

Announcing a surprise pregnancy, Jennifer Connelly had
just dropped out of the head of the line of Actresses
on the "A" list to play the lead female role in "Honey
Kat", the story Steven Spielberg was filming about a
Stubenville girl that runs away from home to Hollywood,
where Tom Hanks, playing against character as an ultra-
seedy S&M nightclub owner, makes her into the first
Scream-Queen cum female Rambo-figure to break through
the exploitation movie genre to make multi-million
dollar action films.

In the end she would have to decide between Tom Hanks
and the ex-drunk ex-cop turned street preacher and
operator of a half-way house for runaways played by Tom
Cruise.

It was a case of hoping a movie about exploitation of
females, violent vengeance, and a woman rising to the
top of a dirty business would indeed prove to be a
successful exploitation movie taking it's female lead
to the top of an indeed dirty business, by allowing her
to act out violent vengeance on the screen characters
doing these very same dirty deeds!

And now the field was wide open, and as the urine
colored summer rain lashed the beggar and video-cam
crew choked sidewalks, Alyssa Milano race, Variety held
over her head into the steel ally exit held open by her
body guard. "They just thanked that "Cousin Vinny,
chick, with a 'we'll let you know'." he winked.

"I know what THAT means," Alyssa gasped, soothing out
her sky blue wrap around rain-coat, "Her skinny ass
couldn't fake a fight with any conviction," she
shivered under her rain coat. All she as wearing was
black lace panties, and no bra. That was the "fighting
gear" the women wrestling in the Club Tom Hanks owned
in the movie, being shot in part in the Cat-Fight Club,
wore.

This was her move to get the jump on the other nervous
actresses. Hell, Alyssa KNEW she could fight, all them
other broads would be running in from a last minute
cram course from some ex Israeli commando in some
Brentwood Ladies Only Gym, wearing some stinking
running suit and tennis shoes. She knew how to get to
heart of the matter.

Just then Madonna entered with a cold rush of wing and
rain and noise from outside with about twenty people in
her caravan. As the steel door shut and Security weeded
out the star, her make-up woman, her lawyer and her
body guard, and sent everyone else out front Alyssa
took in the short white leather skirt, the button up
the front sweater and matching knee socks.

Her blond hair was flipped at the shoulders and cut
across the forehead in a cute line of bangs. Madonna
turned to Alyssa and took in her outfit, eyes narrowing
as she guessed next to nothing was underneath.

A small smirk crossed her lips as she unbuttoned her
sweater, unhooked and slipped off her bra, then to
Alyssa's horror, winked and mouthed the words 'good
luck' before shooting on stage where she began doing a
'spontaneous' dance that started out cheerleader with
pom-poms, and ended in a series of Emma Peel in the
Avengers karate stances.

The row of money men and directing staff were cheering
wildly. "Shit!" Alyssa hissed, as the older woman
stripped to HER panties and arched her back, showing
off he perfect globular breasts, her firm yet soft
limbs, and a butt with enough lift to put the shuttle
into orbit!

Alyssa had to take command NOW or LOSE THE PART TO THIS
OLD Hussy!

She strode center stage, untying her raincoat's belt.
"The movie doesn't start in some suburban high school
gentlemen," she confronted the actress, who was going
into get this lump of dog-doo out of my face right NOW"
mode, but she was cut off as Alyssa Milano opened her
robe casually, just enough so her own perfect pair was
the only thing on any male's mind in the theater,
"...the movie starts in Hollywood, after Honey has
become and action star, and This is how she would start
a fight..."

Alyssa let the raincoat slip to the floor and looked
Madonna right in the eye.

"You've got my attention, WITCH. Now don't waste my
time..." As the end of that statement trailed off like
a snake disappearing under a bed, Madonna turned to her
lawyer and friends for moral support, but everyone some
how managed to look anywhere BUT the two panty clad
women confronting each other next to the wrestling mat
center stage. "Kat got your tongue?"

"No" Madonna hisses without much conviction," she
turned to the row of power suits on folding chairs,
"What do you suggest".

Alyssa, really beginning to savor this answered for
them by clearing her throat loudly and nodding at the
mat. Madonna steeled herself and walked around to the
other side of the mat, commanding all to watch her by a
force of sheer will. "Okay, honey", this time her voice
wasn't on the point of breaking, "All out catfight, but
no clawing or biting... winner take all."

"All out catfight, right." Alyssa agreed, honeyed voice
dripping sarcasm.  Then went onto the mat, nodding for
the older woman to join her there. The two women
hesitated then surged together, grappling with each
other's arms, and staggered in a circle. "Quit
dancing!" a Japanese money-man yelled in an Oxford
accent. Madonna turned around, grabbing Alyssa's right
wrist with both hands and clumsily heaved the younger
girl over her back, onto the mat. Amidst shouts, Alyssa
rolled deftly to her feet, spinning to face Madonna,
rubbing her stupidly yanked shoulder joint.

"Don't do what you don't know how!" she shouted in
protest, right foot sweeping through the air at
Madonna's head. To her credit, the singer saw it
coming, swerved, and plunged after it, like a
linebacker, into Alyssa's waist, pitching them both to
the floor where for four exhausting minutes they
wrestled, rolling back and forth, over and over, each
trying to straddle the other.

Madonna got both knees into Alyssa's bare belly and
heaved her off, onto her butt, but before she, panting, 
could get to her feet Alyssa swarmed over her and got
her into a painful head lock. Cursing in the six
languages she knew how to cuss in.

Madonna balled her fists and pummeled Alyssa's face and
shoulders above her, but was only really making the
younger girl enraged, when a lucky or unlucky fist
caught the young blond on the nose, which immediately
started to bleed. This distracted Alyssa enough so
Madonna could wrench free and on her feet she back
pedaled to the edge of the mat, pointing in phony
horror at Alyssa's nose.

"What if she's got Hep or Aids? I can't finish fighting
her if she's bleeding like a stuck pig!" Hisses
answered her as Alyssa's bodyguard passes her required
paperwork to the secretary at a card table. The blood
test was right on the top. The woman nodded to Madonna
to keep fighting. 

All actors had to have cleared this hurtle before even
calling back for the 'Cattle-Call'. Madonna knew it,
too. Stall failed, Madonna wheeled around just in time
to raise her fists in a defensive boxer's stance as
freezing cold rage of the other girl swept over her as
an unceasing barrage of punches, lefts and rights
appearing out of nowhere with no seeming pattern. But
Madonna, who hadn't gotten to the top by being a push-
over, rallied and returned the brutal hammering, volley
for volley!

Suddenly the theater was silent as serious feints,
wheel kicks, gasping and smacks of fists on faces and
torsos replaced the silly cat-spat that had gone
before. Both Alyssa's and Madonna's bodyguards boxed
and kneed the air in front of them as they tried to
telepathically communicate moves to THEIR girl.
Madonna's left eye was closing but she just shrugged it
off as she tried ducking below a vicious left hook, and
battering a spot she had chosen on the ribs just below
Alyssa's left breast.

Alyssa danced back from the full impact knowing very
well what Madonna was successfully doing. Her lower
three ribs on the left turned to knives in her chest
ever time she tried to raise her left arm into a
defensive position. But Madonna revealed that she had a
habit of taking her eyes of Alyssa's and look at the
place she was going to punch, so Alyssa intentionally
dropped her right arm, hooking out with an agonizing
left hook, watching Madonna's eyes. The singer spotted
the exposed ribs!

She couldn't resist! Looking at the bruised ribs she
fired a left straight into... Thin air!

Suddenly Alyssa had sprung nine inches to her right,
and tapping Madonna's clean cut jaw up with a left
upper-cut, followed through with a right hook that
lifted Madonna into the air with the sound of a bat
hitting a pop fly. The sweating actress tottered
watching the equally drenched singer fall, as if in
slow motion to the mat, spread eagled, eyes unfocussed.
Tom elbowed Tom and mouthed the word: 'whew!'

Alyssa smiled shyly at the row of folding chairs. All
nodded. The world was hers. Then she helped Madonna to
her feet and whispered, "It's just as well, you can act
about as well as I can sing."

So it goes...

No comments:

Post a Comment